my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
