I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You took a bar mat shot.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
