Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
