My balls are so social today.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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