I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will be naked everywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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