I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
