Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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