Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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