filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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