You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
