I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
