if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I party with great urgency now.
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