i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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