it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
