i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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