normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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