It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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