Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
