What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
