My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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