All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
