And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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