you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
