I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
