I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
