My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
