i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
