he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
