my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
