But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
