we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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