sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
