i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize