like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
