She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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