I've blown a few things in my day
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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