Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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