do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
