did you get engaged???
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
