Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
