i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
