summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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