How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
