I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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