my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
