Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
