We're facebook friends in real life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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