How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
