there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
