we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
