I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
