there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
where does the pee come out of this thing
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
