I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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