How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
