This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
