having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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