I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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