You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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