I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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