Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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