Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
