Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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