i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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