she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
