Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just invented taco cereal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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