I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
