Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
