The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
