I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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