Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
