and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
