ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
