tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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