I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
