I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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