the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
