he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
