No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
