I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
