Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
