What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
