I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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