Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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