i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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