Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
