cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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