so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
