I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
