Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
