Already got asked if we're dating
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
