He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
