Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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