i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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