Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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