chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
