he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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