just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize