Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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