Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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