Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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