I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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