we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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